I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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