I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
