I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
