16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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