We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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