I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
