Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
