I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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