No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
