people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
