I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
