you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
