A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
