his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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