With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
