Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
