I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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