so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There r osticjed everywhere
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
