i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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