I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
