The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
