five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
