he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
