We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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