i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am available for nakedness
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
