Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
