She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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