Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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