jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
