Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
