It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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