At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
