$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
