Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
