That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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