Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
