i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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