guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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