Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
