UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
