fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
