i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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