Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sext me about skeletons
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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