The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
