Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
