I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
