I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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