That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
