Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
