I got chris browned last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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